The way in which you talk to women, both what you say and how you say it with your body language, greatly impacts the likelihood of successful dating. Have you ever tried to talk to a woman, and spent so much time trying to get her to pay attention to you that when you finally started talking, you had nothing to say?
By planning out your initial conversation, and rehearsing a couple of things that you can say, you will remove the stress related to the first conversation. There’s no faster way to end a meeting opportunity than to have uncomfortable silences and awkward moments.
Planning will help you avoid stammering, stuttering, and drawing a blank. Avoid obsessing about what she is thinking because it will only create feelings of self doubt.
In this section, you will learn about how to plan your conversation, what to say when you first approach a woman you like, and how to use conversation generating questions to keep a conversation going.
We will also cover the essentials in body language, both reading hers and paying attention to what your body language is saying about you.
If you have had your eye on someone that you would like to get to know a little better, you are at an advantage because you know you will see them again. For example, is the woman you find attractive from your gym, work, or at the local coffee shop? If so, then you know where to go to see her. This is the best situation for pre-planning an encounter.
The goal here is to have enough things to talk about that you are comfortable in starting and sustaining a conversation. You don’t want to be running off at the mouth if it is not natural in the conversation. And you don’t want to be talking so much that you are not listening to what she has to say either. Listening is a good quality that women find attractive.
Once you’ve made up your mind to approach her, and you’ve put some thought into what you will say, put yourself in a situation where you will see her and just do it. Don’t wait or procrastinate, because then you might start having negative thoughts and talk yourself out of it unnecessarily.
Step I: The Greeting
Follow these steps when first contacting your woman of interest:
1. When you first see her, go right up to her and greet her.
2. As you approach her, make eye contact. You are confident, and you can do this well. Many people who avoid direct eye contact are nervous, shy, or have something to hide.
3. Maintain good posture. Keep your shoulders back, head up, and stand up straight. This will show that you are a confident man, and women are attracted to confidence.
4. Use her body language to determine your next move. It depends how well you know her, but you will want to start with a greeting. Write down an outline of what you plan to say in advance so that you feel more comfortable. Try to come up with something creative and different. She will remember you as being interesting if you have something to say. Consider a wink, or raising your eyebrow to show her you are confident and fun.
Step II: The Conversation
When planning out your conversation, you can write it down, or just rehearse it in your mind. It’s been proven that writing things down helps you recall them more easily.
Start by writing out a few questions that you would like to ask her. Keep it light and fun. The questions should draw her to talk about herself. People usually enjoy talking about themselves, and your questions can help guide her.
While there are many basic questions you can ask her, you may want to stay away from the boring ones. Try to avoid the overly used, “How's the weather?” It’s not interesting, and it’s leading you down the wrong path for a conversation. Some commonly asked questions are good, however, because it is how you will learn more about the person.
Here is a listing of some good commonly asked questions that will help you draw out more information about the woman you like. After that, there are also some suggested unique questions that you can try.
Common Questions
1. How many siblings do you have?
2. What city were you raised in?
3. Did you go to college? Where?
4. What’s you favorite color/number/movie/band/food/drink/item of clothing?
5. What’s your background? Where were your parents born?
6. Do you have pets?
7. What’s your job?
Unique Conversation Starters
1. Describe your dream house.
2. What’s your perfect vacation?
3. Tell me about your most embarrassing moment.
4. What’s the best gift you've ever received?
5. What’s the strangest dream you ever had?
6. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
If she doesn’t want to answer any of your questions, you can always throw in a story that warms her up and answers the question. So, for example, if she doesn’t want to tell you her most embarrassing moment, tell her about yours.
Use stories throughout the conversation to keep it lively and interesting. Be sure not to do all the talking though; encourage her to tell stories while you listen. In advance, come up with a few stories that you can share with her about yourself. Humor is always the way to go in this situation, and poking a little fun at yourself with your stories may be endearing to her. The goal here is to have something to fall back on, and trigger a good conversation. When she hears your story, it will probably make her think of something similar, and she may take over the talking, and you will listen.
Just like in sales, you’ll need to have a plan of action when you are done talking. If you are interested in seeing her again, in more of a formal date situation, you’ll need to ask her out.
If you feel like you got enough information from your conversation, make a decision on whether or not to ask her out. If you are unsure, don’t ask her out now, rather wait and think about it. If you know you want to see her again, just ask when you are about to end the conversation. Try something as simple as “It’s been great talking with you. Are you interested in getting a cup of coffee with me?” At this point she’ll either say she’s not available, not interested, or yes. You will never know if you don’t try!
If she says no, don’t sweat it. Wish her well, and don’t waste too much time on it. There are plenty of other women out there. Most likely her reason for saying no had nothing to do with you at all, but perhaps it was her own situation. Maybe she is seeing someone else, or she’s not looking for a relationship right now.
If she says yes, smile and find a time that works well for you both. Offer to pick her up or meet her there. Keep it light and easy, ask for her phone number and give her yours. Congratulations!
Suggested Tips for Making this Easier
Breathe. If you experience panic attacks and extreme nervousness when trying to talk with women, practice deep breathing techniques for stress reduction. Proper breathing increases the oxygen levels in your blood and makes you feel calmer and more relaxed naturally. Are you breathing correctly? If you are, your stomach should rise and fall with each breath. Take longer, slower breaths when you inhale and exhale.
Keep good posture. Keep your spine straight when sitting or standing. This will help you breath correctly, as well as look more confident and attractive.
Exercise regularly. By working out regularly, you not only feel better about yourself, you will look better and reduce your anxiety and depression. You will have better, more restful sleep, higher levels of energy, stronger muscles, and better circulation. The four main categories of exercise are:
o Cardiovascular Exercise: Used to build up endurance, this is the most effective in burning fat and helps you psychologically. You don’t have to spend a lot of time doing this type of exercise to reap its benefits. Just 15 minutes a day will help. Common cardiovascular exercises include walking, jogging, and taking the stairs.
o Muscular Exercise: Strength training builds your muscles by using weighted resistance such as handheld weights or gym machines. This exercise, coupled with a cardiovascular workout will give you a comprehensive body makeover when done over time.
o Stretching Exercise: By practicing stretching exercises, like yoga and tai chi, you will become more limber and flexible.
o Balancing: These types of exercises are beneficial to you if you don’t know how to dance or are generally uncoordinated and awkward.
Set up your own diversion tactics. Use the technique to distract yourself from your nervousness and anxiety in any situation. Think about whatever you want to in order to change the subject in your mind. If negative thoughts come in, try these things:
o Count to twenty or say the alphabet in your head
o Chew gum or suck on a mint
o Hold something like a swizzle stick or napkin
o Do a complicated math equation in your head
o Think about your work to-do list
o Try to remember what you had for dinner – 4 days ago!
